wow it has been forever since I’ve posted.

I lost my journal recently so I’m reverting to online substitutes for it and it’s making me sad because not very satisfying.

I’m living in Kansas City, Misery- this state so fucking weird, at least to my West-Coast-bubble background. but I love it for its grunge and its grime and its total beauty too- large trees that AREN’T pine (what?? not that I don’t love pine, but wow, sycamore is awesome) and lots and lots and lots of green space, green spaaaaaaaace

built on a slave-holding history. oh yes there is that, I had this mega-trip not induced by psychedelics the other day- humidity is enough to make me feel drugged sometimes- walking around feeling the hurt that is locked into the soil of this beautiful large park I was walking around.

the beauty I see in Missouri- older intricate architecture, large houses, large yards, lots and lots of trees and rolling hills- is so woven into the fact that all this was built on slave labor and today these houses are dilapidated in most parts of the city-

rent is absurdly cheap and cops absurdly racist and everything, all this beauty, is either falling apart with some kind of dignity, or being held together by money and corruption.

Missouri is a mindfuck to me. and oh these humid days. I have come to rethink the term “blood-boiling” as quite literal- the connection of weather to your own chemistry. No wonder riots happen in these big, unforgivingly hot and humid cities during summertime. I swear to God- I walk around feeling BELLIGERENT and I just want to fight people. this is what humidity does to me.

and they say it’s not even hot yet.

on many many bright sides- I’m living in an awesome house with great musician people and it’s FIREFLY season starting next week. and that will be my first time seeing fireflies.

so obviously, moving from Tucson to Kansas City for a change of pace and place was needed.