I can never decide.. I need a genie to tell me what I should keep on doing and what I shouldn’t

I don’t even know if I’m happy or unhappy doing something until it’s OVER. how weird is that. self-knowledge is useless if it only works retroactively

the first time I traveled on my own was important not mainly because of meeting new people and seeing new places, because the more I do of either the more I see that the people I meet and connect with, and the places (if they’re cities) that I go are pretty much ALL the SAME/similar

but because it got me away from a scene and a college I hated, far enough away that I was able to decide it wasn’t worth returning to.

travel for the sake of immediate experience is fun, for a time; travel just to escape doesn’t work after a long enough period, or if it’s the only resort, again and again..

And I feel like maybe I’m being fearful, or overly cautious, but I’m reluctant to follow the plans to travel this summer/fall that I’d been brewing for a while now- to commit to a LEASE, of al things commitment! in the same neighborhood I am now, for another year instead- and I don’t know if that’s because I’m being wimpy and scared of uncertainty, or if because I’m a little sick of chasing things.

and escaping things.

I want to make one place and even a routine “work” for me as in, fulfilling.. as in, happy. But maybe that’s societal bullshit because back in the good old days weren’t most people nomadic? mehh.